He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
