like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
