Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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