If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
