worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
