My first STD was from a foam party
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
