PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
