The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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