im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
