i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
