What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
