Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
