also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
