jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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