'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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