Michael Bay diarrhea
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
