you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
