i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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