feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize