Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
