you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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