I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
