I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
