Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
