Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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