wanna go halves on a baby?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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