my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
