Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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