How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
