He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
