Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
