These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
