My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He has the fingertips of a God
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