can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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