Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
