By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
