Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That accounts for only three of the penises
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
