I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
