i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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