My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
