dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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