Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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