so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
