It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
