so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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