apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
