i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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