So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
