This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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