ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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