If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
