Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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