Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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