dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
