Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
