Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
