How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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