Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
