Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fill condoms, not promises.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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