I think I died a long time ago.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
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I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help