um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?