Whatcha textin bout Willis?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."