just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
