I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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