I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
