from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize