you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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