He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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