please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
