Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
