so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
