We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
