I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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