tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
