we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
