i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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